Future Is Cloudy With Occasional Trump Gusts at National Weather Service

How many weather people does it take to change a forecast? Evidently more than we currently possess.

The National Weather Service Employees Organization is issuing a severe hiring freeze warning. The union is afraid if Donald Trump’s freeze order is applied to the National Weather Service it will be a cold day in hell before it can add another employee.

global-warming-forecasts-mckeeThe union hopes it can slip through a loophole under cover of a rhetorical fog bank. Trump’s order doesn’t apply to agencies involved in the military, public safety or public health. The Washington Post says the NWS is hoping to reclassify itself as an integral part of the nation’s public safety apparatus: First responders when the precipitation hits the fan.

If NWS brass has its way, soldiers fighting for our freedom, anti–terror agents protecting the homeland and doctors battling dread disease will be joined by the guy who eyeballs the rain gauge at the airport. Each doing their small part in the vital effort to keep taxpayers alive and paying taxes.

Normally you would call this sort of bureaucratic aggrandizement “mission creep” but in the case of the weather service we’ll call it moisture creep.

The real problem facing weather wizards is it’s difficult to make the case for 650 new hires before Hurricane Donald arrives, when the desks have been empty for years and no one, outside the cleaning crew that dusts the monitors, has noticed.

A union functionary claims the vacant slots are “Emergency Essential” and it’s a big deal, “meaning those employees are critical to the life-saving mission of the NWS, so they must report to work (in hurricanes, floods, blizzards, furloughs, etc.).”

That’s a confusing explanation. I’d have thought an employee who shows up at the office after being furloughed is a potential source of workplace violence, not a reason to consider NWS workers the equivalent of Marines with barometers. As for the rest of the examples, when the morgue is empty it’s easy enough to claim your agency was responsible, but where’s the evidence these vacant slots represent a “life–saving mission?”

When a city is short of cops or has a surplus of demonstrators crime goes up. With a shortage of doctors patients pile up. But it will take some convincing to persuade me a shortage of weather oracles encourages tornadoes.

Making the case the NWS is a public safety necessity is difficult when the weather service has trouble coping with normal weather. Last week, while a blizzard was slamming into Maine and California was wondering if leftist sanctuaries would protect citizens and illegals from flood waters, the NWS system went offline.

A case could be made the cat was out of the bag and Maine and California were already familiar with the weather, but knowing if the rain was expected to stop would have been helpful to the sandbag crew.

Instead two “core routers” failed and the system was offline for three hours. The WaPost’s weather blog reminds us NWS systems failed as Hurricane Matthew was bearing down on Florida last October and in July it experienced another network issue.

It’s almost as if Hillary is the IT consultant.

Even if NWS bureaucrats can convince Trump a weather watcher wielding a weathervane is the public safety equal of a doctor brandishing a thermometer, there is the vetting problem.

In a government that yawns over classified phone call transcripts being leaked to the opposition media there’s a surprising amount of paranoia regarding the five–day forecast. Higher level NWS employees are for some unknown reason required to have a security clearance.

It’s not like you can hide the weather, just go outside and you know as much as President Trump. The only forecasts that have any usefulness are next day predictions. Three and five–day forecasts, which you can get from any weather poodle on TV, are about as reliable as a Republican Congressman’s promise to repeal Obamacare.

I suppose if your life is wrapped up in humidity the staffing shortfall is a big problem, but to me it looks like a good way to save money. It would be cheaper to let NWS focus on gathering weather data and let the private sector handle the forecasts. Using the same data the NWS employs, the Weather Channel is already more accurate and if you don’t like those global warming fanatics there’s always your local TV weather babe.

Why fight it? The missing 650 employees are approximately 14 percent of total employment. Since Trump wants to cut the federal workforce by 20 percent, the NWS’ head start puts it well on the way to meeting that goal.

It’s new motto could be: All the Weather at 80 Percent of the Cost!

White Reporter Contends Dark–Skinned People Can’t Control Themselves

Samantha Sunne had an authentically gritty New York City experience during a recent visit. She “spent four hours curled in a ball, balancing on a narrow wooden bench…trying to avoid the freezing cinderblock walls and the cold cement floor, splattered with cigarette butts and rotten food.”

This is just the kind of first–hand experience writers used to crave, but Sunne is not too happy about her brush with the NYC justice system.

Maybe it’s because they refused her request for a gluten–free cell.

reagan-crime-sentencesSamantha doesn’t contend she was innocent — the Hillary defense — her contention is the offense is guilty.

Sunne writes in the Washington Post that in the wee hours she was riding the A–train and propped her feet up on the seat in front of her. The next thing she knew it was Eric Garner all over again.

Only Sunne was arrested by a woman, didn’t resist the arrest and, except for exposure to second–hand tobacco products, she was none the worse for wear. But that’s not how she sees it: “I became one more victim of ‘nuisance laws,’ regulations that criminalize small misbehaviors that don’t hurt anyone.”

The left characterizes these ordinances as “nuisance laws” when the statutes only inconvenience lawbreakers. A better term would be “respect your neighbor” laws, but leftists are completely unwilling to make any contribution to public order if doing so has even the slightest influence on their personal preference at that particular moment.

Instead Sunne takes a law designed to keep seats in the NY subway clean and ready for tired behinds and morphs it into yet another sinister plot to keep the black man down.

She explains, “On its face, this might not seem like a big deal — everyone wants clean subways and orderly cities. But criminalizing small acts can have major consequences for nonwhite and low-income people, who are disproportionately arrested and convicted for these infractions.”

How is Samantha’s viewpoint regarding the “nonwhite” population’s adherence to the law any different from that of the Klan? The Klan thinks “people of color” can’t control their sexual urges and Sunne evidently believes minorities lack the self–control necessary to resist the urge to break the law.

It’s just in their nature.

If you ask me Sunne and her fellow traveler’s mindset is the real bigotry. These laws aren’t designed to inflict discrimination on blacks or browns; they are designed to establish a baseline for public behavior.

Besides, even in the Post not everyone is in agreement that enduring a gritty nonchalance toward behavior norms is worth it because the resulting atmosphere makes visits to the big city so much more authentic for leftist tourists.

Natalie De Vincenzi writes, “We need security cameras on all Metro cars…[cameras] could hold accountable the teenagers who threw objects at me on the train.” Now I’m sure Samantha would object and saying throwing objects, as opposed to throwing curses, is assault and not a nuisance.

But that’s the big problem with disorder. It has a tendency to escalate.

Samantha’s delicate feet on the seat are quite a bit different from say Michael Brown’s. I’m sure Samantha would be happy to remove hers when the little old white lady asked, but I’m not sure grandma would even bother to ask Brown.

Public order laws are designed to protect the elderly, the infirm, the young, the female and the wimpy, while restraining the unruly. Politely asking the impolite to behave puts a burden on people that most are too timid to assume. That’s when the government acts.

“Nuisance” laws aren’t like Obamacare. Obamacare makes you buy health insurance or the government penalizes you. “Nuisance” laws don’t require you to polish seats on the subway with anything other than your behind.

Rather than acknowledging how much better city life has been since the implementation of the “Broken Windows” theory of policing, people like Sunne delight in attempting to reverse the major gains made in public safety over the past two decades, by attributing the progress to “flawed and unfair” police tactics.

And by flawed I mean racially–biased, for as patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel, racism is the first refuge for the leftist. What’s more, the critics offer no alternatives for replacing police tactics that have saved lives and rescued communities.

Instead these “journalists” are like Tom and Daisy Buchannan in The Great Gatsby, “…careless people, Tom and Daisy — they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”

Missing the Connection Between Politicians and Consequences

Today we have two widely separated instances of voters unable to grasp the connection between the people they elect to office and the policies and taxes that make them angry.

diapers-term-limitsIn Montgomery County, MD — a bastion of Democrat Leftist compassion and social justice — incumbent members of the county council are contributing funds from their campaign accounts to defeat a referendum designed to impose term limits.

What, you thought they’d use their own money? These are incumbent politicians, they use other people’s money to affect social change.

Just like vampires use other people’s blood for sustenance.

The term limit referendum is a voter–led response to a council that boosted it’s salary to $135,000 a year, for a job that’s supposed to be part–time, and increased property taxes 9 percent. The prime mover behind the referendum is a local activist, Republican and, if truth be told, jerk named Robin Ficker.

Ficker, on the side of the angels here, calls the incumbents “self–serving tax increase specialists” in coverage by the Washington Post. And he claims “44 percent of the signatures [on the referendum petitions] came from registered Democrats.

If passed, the referendum would limit council members to three consecutive terms for a total of 12 years in office. That might be long enough for the government to indoctrinate your child, but for a politician it’s barely enough time to settle in at the government trough.

Politicians and the interest groups that control them really hate term limits. The politicians because they’ll have to find honest work and the interest groups because they’ll have to go to the trouble to capture new politicians when the old ones were already house trained.

That’s why the “No on B” campaign attracted the politician’s donations and support of the Montgomery Education Association (putting teachers first since its founding), Casa in Action (an illegal alien, sanctuary city support group), the African–American, Latino and Muslim Democrat clubs (racial bean counters) and the Democrat party as a whole.

Ficker is unimpressed, “Quite frankly, I hope they all put in a million dollars. I hope they spend all their money fighting this. We need change in Montgomery County.”

Strangely enough, the situation is somewhat similar in Gaza. There the incumbents are from Hamas and they never tire of talking about their compassion for the Arab people and corresponding hatred for Jews.

The difference is in Gaza term limits initiatives are of a more kinetic nature and typically originate in Israel. Since being voted into power in 2007, Hamas has been responsible for starting and losing three wars against the Little Satan.

Gaza was in the news when the Post covered an outing of senior citizens allowed to visit Jerusalem: “A few hundred older Palestinians may now exit the coastal strip on Fridays and take the 90-minute bus trip to Jerusalem to pray at al–Aqsa Mosque, the third-holiest site in Islam.”

Residents of Montgomery County who want to visit a free land have only to get in the car and drive a few miles to Virginia. In Gaza visitors must run a “security” gauntlet. The first stop is the Hamas checkpoint where green-uniformed thugs give travelers the stink eye. The next stop is the Palestinian Authority checkpoint where the thugs Hamas ousted do their own rousting. Here the seniors were arbitrarily told they could not bring food or water into Israel lest it fall into the hands of the Jews.

Final stop is the Israeli checkpoint where bags are x–rayed for bombs, — the PA takes food from travelers, but explosives are waived right through — passengers are scanned and papers examined.

Once In Israel the Arabs were amazed at how green the country is, how smooth the roads are and how the basic infrastructure functions. Back home they live in squalor because the damage from three wars is mostly unrepaired because Hamas steals construction material to build missile–firing bunkers and more tunnels to invade Israel.

Hamas has outsourced any government functions that don’t involve explosions to “humanitarian groups” and as a result 70 percent of the population lives on handouts.

In the end though, neither population is capable of understanding the type of government they support is responsible for their woes. There’s an excellent chance the term limits question will pass in Montgomery.

The old sullen Democrats will be forced out of office by an unrelenting calendar only to be replaced by newly elected Democrats that will continue the tax and spend policies that generated the initial outrage.

There won’t be another election in Gaza anytime soon, but residents will continue to blame the Jews and not Hamas for all their problems.

How long until either realizes its the ideology and not the implementors that must change.

 

Target “Solution” Adds Uncertainty to Bathroom Etiquette

There’s an interesting controversy contrast between two of America’s leading retailers. Walmart controversies typically occur out in the parking lot and are signaled by raised voices or the occasional gunshot.

Walmart executive involvement is normally limited to calling 9–1–1.

chuck-norris-man-in-womans-bodyTarget controversies take place inside and are kicked off when an ever–vigilant socialist media commissar spots a political correctness violation. Target honchos actively participate in both the cause and the occasional apology.

A few of Target’s more recent sensibility offenses include:

  • A T–shirt boasting the word “Trophy” on the front. (I think the fact it didn’t come in XXX–Large had something to do with it, too.)
  • A Christmas T–shirt that read: “OCD Obsessive Christmas Disorder.”
  • Another T–shirt that replaced Princess Leia with Luke Skywalker.
  • A Photoshopped swimsuit ad that gave a young girl a “thigh gap” and an arm long enough for an Orangutan.

Customers should have gotten an inkling Target wasn’t content to confine the outrage to haberdashery when the “Boy’s Bedding” signs were changed to “Kid’s Bedding” and other departments were put on notice by the company newsletter that, “our teams are working across the store to identify areas where we can phase out gender-based signage to help strike a better balance.”

Fortunately those uproars were mostly optional. The Angel of Outrage passed over if you didn’t buy the T–shirt and you could always purchase Roscoe’s Star Wars sheets at Walmart. Assuming you made it through the parking lot.

Target’s latest internally–generated outrage has the potential to affect any customer who just finished a Big Gulp prior to shopping. Bulk bathrooms —that serve more than one customer simultaneously — are now gender fluid. Nathans who feel nelly can enter the bathroom of their choice.

Target PR flacks assured the Washington Post that some customers “are really supportive.” I suppose that includes the Idaho man arrested in a female fitting room — he was feeling frilly that day — while he took photos of the woman in changing in the next cubicle.

Personally I’ve always felt anyone was welcome to join me in the men’s room if you can use the urinal without sitting in it.

Others are less supportive.

The American Family Association decided this was the straw that broke the toilet paper dispenser. It launched a nationwide #BoycottTarget campaign in response to what it termed a “dangerous” bathroom and changing room policy. In no time at all women threw down their “Trophy” T–shirts and demanded Target conduct its outreach to the mentally ill in a location that didn’t involve baring your behind.

Normally, trendy retailers consider offending Christians one of the perks of being in business. What fun is it if you can’t poke the Bible–beaters in the eye once in a while? I’ll bet it was was all Baptists and tranny jokes in the break room until the sales figures rolled in.

Home Depot had “robust earnings” and the National Retail Federation “revised its forecasts upward.” In contrast, Target sales down by 7.2 percent and foot traffic declined for the first time in two years.

The only area to show any increase was online sales, where customers are pretty sure who is sharing the bathroom with them.

Did the Christians finally win one? Did the almost 1.5 million signers of the boycott petition make a difference?

Target says no. “It’s difficult to tease out one thing that’s driving results.” But if that’s the case why is Target now spending $20 million to add one–holer bathrooms to all its stores? These bathrooms are specifically designed to accommodate female shoppers who don’t want to play stall roulette.

The only downside I see is most American’s aren’t prepared for a return to 1960’s gas station bathroom etiquette. Back then there was many a time when I’d shot the bolt on a restroom door only to be interrupted shortly thereafter by a tentative jiggling of the door handle.

What to do? Maintain a discrete silence and hope they go away? Try to concentrate on the business at hand and clear out quickly? Before I could make up my mind they usually escalated by knocking.

Now I’m wondering: What are they thinking? The door is obviously locked. If it locked accidentally, knocking isn’t going to solve their problem. And since the bathroom is occupied, do they expect me say, “Hey, come on in, I’ll slide over and you can join me!”

Target runs the risk of today’s unfamiliar customers being so deferential they cross their legs and wait in agony before a door that’s merely closed.

Maybe the situation calls for another T–shirt, this time reading: “I used the bathroom at Target & survived!”

Chastity Backlash Breaks Out Among Christians

Evidently there’s a significant subset of the female population angry and resentful because they didn’t have more opportunity to be exposed to STDs in their younger years.

Lyz Lenz, in particular, moans she “still has a stain” on her heart because she remained a virgin until she married. I would have thought that beat worrying about stains on your clothes when mom met you at the door after a date, but that does not appear to be the case here.

I came across Lenz complaint in the “Acts of Faith” section of the Washington Post, which as far as orthodox believers are concerned is the Alex Jones of faith aggregators.

pepperfridge-farm-std_o_1317663Lenz and her posse appear to believe chastity, or at least striving for chastity, has left them “crippled” with an overwhelming feeling of “fear” when it comes to their bodies and sex. On the Sojourners website she wails, “I’m only now coming to grips with — damaging expectations of myself, men, and sexuality — beliefs that have cost me love, friendship, and given me a life of shame.”

Making me wonder if Lenz ran any of this by her husband before she opened up to the world?

The proximate cause of this angst is a 1997 book by 21–year–old Joshua Harris called “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” In the book Harris urged both men and women to remain virgins until marriage, something Lenz, for reasons that are unclear, appears to believe causes rape and domestic violence.

Personally, I prefer not to take theology advice from men barely in their twenties. If Jesus could wait until he was 30 to begin his ministry, where’s the fire for Harris? The book was a big hit for the author and the message made an equally big impression on youth ministers across the evangelical world.

Lenz terms the movement that grew from the book the “purity culture,” which appears to be something desirable in yoghurt, but not sex. Some of the charges Lenz lays at the feet of purity culture include: men who molest, men who rape and men who abuse; sex is only for procreation; sex is to keep your husband happy; women are purely sexual objects; sex is shameful; failure to sexually stereotype minority women; failure to command homosexuals to stay pure; failure to consult homosexual pastors; and too many fusty Bible rules about sex.

As you can see, there’s a problem with logic in this indictment. I think the real problem for Lenz is she hung around with too many heathens while she was getting her Masters of Fine Arts degree. Any time you see the prefix “cis” in a story, there’s a leftist hiding somewhere.

We are supposed to be set apart. As Wesley Pruden says, you could look it up. Practicing Christians will always be out–of–step with the secular culture. If Lenz lets higher education set the benchmark for a complete life, she is going to be seething in the pew or a Unitarian.

Some knuckle–head youth pastor could well have told her that any sex before marriage left a woman forever ruined. That only makes him as big a heretic as Gene Robinson. We all fall short of the Glory of God and the gift of Grace means redemption is available for all. No one is permanently soiled, unless by choice.

In all things human it’s a matter of degree. It’s quite a gulf between the young man or woman whose hormones got the best of them on the way to the altar and the women who now claim to be proud members of the No Shame Movement.

When CBS reports new data from the Centers for Disease Control showing cases of antibiotic–resistant cases of gonorrhea have quadrupled, my first reaction is not “give me some of that!”

What sort of alternative did Lenz miss? Hook–ups? Campus coma culture? Friends with benefits? Shacking up?

The sexual revolution that Lenz conscientiously objected to was not a Woodstock idyll with indoor plumbing. If Lenz is interested in seeing where the alternate choice leads, instead of relying on faculty lounge fantasies of sexual fulfillment, she should spend some time among unmarried mothers.

There the abuse is physical, not mental and the casualties of the sexual revolution, young and old, litter the landscape. She might just decide her heterosexual life “with two small children and a husband I deeply love” wasn’t such a bad choice after all.

Orlando and the Imaginary Wave of Islamophobia

When did shielding Moslems from criticism supplant baseball as the national pastime?

The Washington Post features the shocking story of Hannah Shraim who extended her hand for a shake and was instead shaken to her foundations.

“’They were avoiding my hand at all costs,’ said Shraim, a Muslim student from suburban Maryland who has worn a hijab since she was 15, describing her first brush with discrimination at school. ‘I could tell it was my religious orientation because they were very kind to my partner and they shook her hand.’”

Religion of Peace adherents in London

Religion of Peace followers in London

All I can say is it beats having a bullet put through your hand.

Publishing a non–story about non–existent tidal wave of Islamophobia two days prior to the first funeral for a Pulse shooting victim is simply obscene.

Moslems suffer from a tiny number of so–called “hate crimes.” If you want to experience a real wave of “hate crime” all you have to do is become a Jew. In 2014 almost 60 percent of all “hate” was directed at Jews and that was before Bernie Sanders went after Wall Street banks.

Abigail Garner at the University of Miami came close to putting Moslem hate crimes into focus, but couldn’t overcome indoctrination. She writes that as the number of Moslems in the US has increased since 2001 “hate” crimes have decreased.

Even more curious, in “2001 there were about as many anti-Jewish crimes as there were anti-Islam. But in 2008 that number has not decreased like it has for Islam, but rather it has increased becoming 39.4 for every 100,000 Jews.”

Moslem population grows and so does anti–Semitic crime, yet those dots just won’t connect.

Sensible people would ask if the US is such a hellhole why do Moslems keep coming? But sensible people don’t write stories like the one in the Post

Or they could have been high school jerks, but who cares?

Leaving Shraim’s shattered life, the Post moves on to the threat of “bullying and taunting and criticism” that makes life in Obama’s America such a wasteland for refugees. Citing polls without questionnaires or methodology, the Post is reduced fretting about subjective and unquantifiable bias, because the facts don’t support the narrative.

The Post lectures that “many Muslim students have felt harassed, humiliated, bullied or abused by classmates during the past six months because of their Islamic faith; 10 percent felt a teacher or administrator had treated them unfairly during the past six months.”

In our current Random Jihad Sweepstakes culture, asking a question like this is the equivalent of asking white school kids in the Jim Crow South if the maid had been short with them after the most recent lynching.

Had the situation had been reversed, say a Christian in Pakistan attacked Moslems at a Ramadan dinner; Christians wouldn’t have to worry about Christianophobia. They’d be worrying about the mob outside the door carrying gasoline cans.

Pakistani Christians would be happy to trade a missing handshake for a missing head.

The mainstream media never gets around to surveying non–Moslems to gauge their sense of insecurity after the latest jihadi outburst. Instead we have reports of bigotry “incidents” on campus, which I suppose can range from a Trump yard sign on the quad to an orange toupee carelessly left in the locker room.

If surveys and news reports continue to discover this wave of Islamophobia soon it will be as dangerous to be a Moslem on campus as it is to be a woman.

Just hours after the Pulse nightmare, Imam Obama and the media continue their collective effort to negotiate a plea-bargain for Islam. The Pulse shooter was just another crazy, testosterone–fueled male wielding a rifle no one should be allowed to own in the first place.

It’s pathetic, enraging and dangerous simultaneously. The Left, the elites and the pajama–boys in the media aren’t serious about ending this literal reign of terror. If we rely on them we’ll be electing a caliph in about 30 years.

Fortunately there’s hope for sanity. Not all Moslems are paranoid and entitled. CBS Boston reports machinegun–toting transit police poured into the Medford station after “a report of a Moslem couple praying on the Orange line.”

Certainly an over–reaction, but it didn’t bother Tahir Ali, a member of the Islamic Society of Greater Worcester. Instead he said, “The reaction from police is understandable, because they see somebody and they think of it as a threat, so I think we can live with that.”

I’m ready to start a GoFundMe account to buy Ali a ticket to the White House. Obama can use some good advice for a change.

 

Should the Feds Start Price–Fixing Hospital Charges?

The Washington Post headlined an alarming story that accused hospitals of trying to make a profit: “Fifty hospitals in the United States are charging uninsured consumers more than 10 times the actual cost of patient care…”

Gerard Anderson, one of the study’s authors, comments, “…consumers are paying for this when hospitals charge 10 times what they should. What other industry can you think of that marks up the price of their product by 1,000 percent and remains in business?”

Bottled water comes to mind along with women’s shoes, illegal drugs, cosmetics and Comcast.

The entire study displays an almost total lack of understanding of how any market works. The solution to the problem is more information and that’s something government can encourage.

Details in my Newsmax.com column:

http://www.newsmax.com/MichaelShannon/Healthcare-Reform/2015/06/12/id/650307/

Federal Bureaucrats Misbehave & Taxpayers Are Punished

Thousands of federal bureaucrats are home every day during working hours. They surf the web — although presumably not this column — shop, nap, drink or look for Lois Lerner’s lost email, all while collecting their paycheck at our expense.

It’s a continuing scandal and I have details in my Newsmax column, link below.

Incidentally, my column has been moved and I think it’s harder for the casual reader to find me. So I would ask that if you like the column please post a link on your Facebook page or send a tweet or tell people it contains the cure for Ebola. Anything to boost readership.

Thanks.

http://www.newsmax.com/MichaelShannon/Federal-Workers-Paid-Leave/2014/10/23/id/602641/

 

eBay for Elective Surgery Faces Potential Government Crackdown

The biggest breakthrough in health care cost saving may be squashed like a bug if government regulators get involved. Uncle Sam doesn’t like competition with Obamacare.

You can read all about it in my Newsmax Insider column:

http://www.newsmax.com/MichaelShannon/Costs-Healthcare-Obamacare-Medibid/2014/08/22/id/590296/

Conservatives Ready for Sexual Cowardice

Mainstream media closely follows the Michael Sam story

Mainstream media closely follows the Michael Sam story

When does doing something — other than charging a machine gun nest — that has been done countless times previously stop being ‘courageous?’ Sally Jenkins of the WaPost has ruled that football player Michael Sam’s advice to people interested in dating him is a monumental story: “There are great courageous sports stories being played on the international stage at the Sochi Olympics, yet nothing has resonated like this.”

Ho hum. Pardon me if I’m not vibrating like Ms. Jenkins. If Sam doesn’t want awkward situations where female groupies try to make time with him, why doesn’t he just open an account on eHomony.com?

Other than the occasional soap–on–a–rope joke whispered out of Sam and the gaystapo’s earshot, he will have smooth sailing in the locker room. The Canadian Football League may be treating Sam comments as international hate crimes. (Winnipeg Blue Bombers defensive tackle Bryant Turner Jr.  was fined after tweeting: “Michael Sam locker room gonna come with complimentary robes.”)

But in the NFL he’ll be treated like Bao Bao, the new panda baby at the national zoo. For teammates and football fans, Sam will be just another seldom–seen species that has problems when it comes to reproduction. Maybe he’ll be able to share Internet bandwidth with Bao Bao after he gets his own Sam Cam.

I tell you what real courage would be in a situation like this. A married potential NFL draftee announcing that he’s open to adulterous relationships and no one’s wife, girlfriend or daughter is off limits. Now that takes some courage and would certainly create a frisson of sexual tension at home, the locker room and various team functions.

Sam, on the other hand, is just a me–too narcissist hoping for a spot as Grand Marshall in a ‘pride parade.’ He’s certainly not the first athlete to go public. You can’t throw a rock without hitting a figure skater that walks on the wild side. Then you’ve got Billie Jean King, Jason Collins, innumerable female softball players and gymnasts.

In showbiz there’s Ellen, Rosie, Jodie and Neil and that’s just the ones with ‘e’ in their name. Even superheroes are getting in on the act. Green Lantern only lets his love light shine for men. Society has reached a point where we can start hanging clothes in that particular closet because it’s now empty.

And for the sake of accuracy, Sam is in limbo right now. He’s a former college player who has yet to make an NFL team. And it’s entirely possible he won’t be the only homosexual player in the NFL, just the most vocal.

(If you ask Deacon Jones, he probably considers all NFL kickers to be gay, but at least they’ve made the team, in contrast to Sam who is merely potential.)

Besides, when is giving in to a compulsion courageous? How about a linebacker who holds a news conference announcing he’s only interested in 18–year–old cheerleaders? Is that brave? Would Woody Allen be courageous if he finally admitted to abusing Dylan? The statute of limitations is up and like Woody says, “The heart wants what the heart wants.” Which is pretty much the foundational philosophy of the alternate lifestyle left.

In the wake of his proclamation Sam’s NFL draft value dropped almost a hundred points. This will be blamed on homophobia, but the real reason is how many teams — other than the Dallas Cowboys — need another narcissistic exhibitionist?

If NFL teams avoided signing Tim Tebow because of the alleged ‘distraction’ factor, what director of player personnel is going to volunteer to draft the Michael Sam three–ring circus?

The Broncos’ John Elway volunteered to lead the ‘some of my best friends…’ caucus when he said he would have no problem with Sam on his team, which is easy for Elway to say since he’s retired and showers at home.

But the real question is why announce now? Sam told his Missouri teammates that he was playing for the other side before last season. It was a simple statement that didn’t require a phone call to the New York Times. This current public relations campaign screams exploitation and not by the hetero community. It sounds like national homosexual advocacy organizations snooped into his private life and convinced Sam to take a stand that will benefit their fund raising.

If Sam has any doubts about his NFL future, and he’s not a sure thing, then his public statement guarantees a lucrative future career as a homosexual symbol. If he makes the NFL he demonstrates homosexuals are everywhere. If he doesn’t make the team he’s a living symbol of heterosexual bigotry. Either way Sam is on the speaking and interview circuit for a decade and national lobby groups stay current and in the news.

And while we’re discussing fanatics, the homosexual lobby is starting to remind me of some of the more zealous Mormons. There are groups of Latter Day Saints who baptize the dead by proxy so the deceased can enter into heaven in spite of the poor choices they made while alive. In like fashion homosexual scholars browse through history looking for notable figures they can recruit into the homosexual hall of fame.

Leonardo da Vinci comes to mind, along with Abraham Lincoln, my relative President James Buchanan and Janis Joplin to mention but a few. Something tells me activists are going to be taking a long hard look at unmarried early professional football players.

In the meantime, I’m ready for some sexual cowardice. How about returning to the days of a gentleman never tells? I know it’s unlikely, but one can dream.

So let’s close with a riddle: What do Michael Sam and Manti Te’o have in common? All their girlfriends are imaginary.